The Past

I see everyone faces
One by one showed up in my fraction of memories,
Their smile and laughs,I can still hear them in my box of memories.
And I saw myself in the corner of my class,trying and struggling in every pages only to forget it later,
In the middle of the quiet rainy day, I  spend with my two other friend in the same class.
i remember the hectic enviroment,with everyone speaking the languages that i dont recall.
But still i lived until today, even in the place im not used too,
And i still enjoy my days there
Even with  bad memories lingering around
I love the people even if its weird to be feeling soo,
i dont care,I'm miss them
There are days I feel like I'm just breathing, but I always find ways to make me feel better,
And the rainy days come again and I'm in vain again,
Even if I try, I know I can't,
But still I try than giving up easily
I saw them getting better at what I'm supposed to,
I guess my ambition is too big even
for me,
I loved how the helped me, even if I know it's useless,
But thank you, for everything, for every moment I feel like dying, you guys where there, supporting me in my worst days,
And to my two classmate ,thank you for staying beside this weird creature,
I'm always grateful.
The wind blows in my face,I don't even know how my appearance is,
I just don't care right now,
I see what's in front of me, and I try to decipher what it means,
But this field is just not for me,
I felt stupid 24/7 but I still go through,
I roamed and roamed around again and again.
Now I'm all grown up and listening to this melody, I miss every piece of that place even if it's a curse for me,
And I love them all, the perfectly imperfect  people that loved me within their deepest heart.

Forget

And i know how you feel staying awake while you're lying on the bed in the middle of the night. Memories come crashing in..and all you tell yourself was stay strong while you hold your breath and tears deep in your chest...and you can hear your heart thumping so loud with your heart cracking and ended up pieces by pieces...I'll tell you this..just remember... Remember every piece of him and hold on to it...untill you cant anymore... Thats how we forget things..

Dont ever come back

I realized that I've been a victim to my own mind. I've done too many decision that makes me bleed. I saw how stupid I was. But still..i wanna believe in my own vision and unbelievable stupidity of hope and love. I got trapped and in the end, i ended up hurting myself over and over again. I saw you as a miracle. As a gift,as a magical creatures. You're not prince charming. Nor that you're Jack from Titanic, you're every gentlemen that a girl would die for. You don't have the looks but you're quite decent for your age. And the right amount of manners. Enough manners to make people like you and enough rudeness to make people avoid you. You're a little bit of everything. Like a new blended coffee. A little bit of freshness with a familiar smell. Like the scent of new books in every pages. On the shelves, in an old bookstore. You're everything i could ever dream of, a dreamer, a gentleman, except for loyalty. That one criteria thats the most important to me. You dont have that. But i try to make you have it. I tried to make you own it. I was motivated to made you better at it. And stopped rushing things in your way. I opened every door to you empty soul. Ripped off all your anxiety. And in return you pushed me off the cliff. I put my heart and soul in your hands. That was my biggest mistake. But its okay now. I got this. Now that you walked away, Im gonna tell you this. Im not that baymax anymore,im not your comfort pillar nor that a place for you to rest your head when you heart shattered on the ground. I wont be the water to your blazing fire. I won't be the healer anymore. Now,I'm busy fixing my own souls and weaving my own pattern. I'll get busy bitting the bullet and avoiding grenades. Shaking off feelings and dancing through the air. I wont have anymore time for you. So hear this out, dont come back. Even if your stars dies and the galaxy collapses, dont come back. I dont have time for your corrupted disastrous soul.